& Art Salon
"Don't worry, about a thing, cuz every little ting, gonna be awright. was wearing my bob marley t-shirt while driving home after yelling in your ear and heard this song. bob knows what he is talking about, listen to bob.
"i know you know that i do not sulk and pine for what is not."
--Excerpted from an email sent to a friend by her brother after the death of their mother.
First Lyons Death Cafe Open During LAW
During the Lyons Art Weekend (LAW), June 7-9, 2013, Death Café
and Art Salon will be open Sunday, June 9th, between the hours of 12:30 p.m. and 5 pm at the
Lyons Yoga and Wellness Center, 310 Main Street, Lyons, Colorado, U.S.A. Visitors
to the Death Café and Art Salon will spend time in a nurturing and open environment
to talk about the art of death (or the death of art), and to explore resulting feelings
and images through a process of creative uncovery.
Participants will be free to discuss topics of life and death
from many points of view. Paper and art supplies will be provided for those
wishing to explore their thoughts and feelings visually. Refreshments will be
available mid-afternoon, at which point the discussion may shift gears into how
we want to spend the rest of our finite time here on planet Earth. Death Café
and Art Salon is free and open to all ages, but may not be appropriate for anyone
currently in the middle of the “white heat of bereavement.”
The Lyons Death Café and Art Salon is for folks who may not
have thought very much about death or even know how they feel about it. What
might it be like to think and talk about death openly amidst a group of
strangers? Don’t worry. Using the medium of line, shape, form, and color,
participants at Death Café and Art Salon will also have an opportunity to
uncover deeper emotions that may be difficult or impossible to put into words. However,
no one really knows what will happen at the first Lyons Death Café and Art
Salon. As Dylan put it, “But it’s alright, Ma, it’s life and life only.”
At Death Café and Art Salon, you will be entering a creative and supportive space, but life and death is still a mystery and there are no guarantees except one: Everybody dies. But if you don’t take care of your body, where will you live? And as Dylan reminds us all, “….he who is not busy being born is busy dying.”
Lyons Death Café and Art Salon will be offered on a
not-for-profit basis, with a suggested donation of $5 to $10 to cover the costs
of space, refreshments, and supplies and to fund the next Death Café and Art
Salon. Death Café and Art Salon will be facilitated by local artist Phyllis J.
O’Rourke, M.A., a member-affiliate of the social franchise and global movement
known as “Death Café.” She is the co-author with fellow artist Sally King of
the book of grief poems, “Nobody’s Afraid of the Dark during the Day.” O’Rourke,
a graduate of Goddard College, has been a member of the Lyons Depot Library
Art-4-Art Artist Trading Card group since 2004 and is the founding member of a
local artist support group that has been meeting weekly for over twenty-five
years.
Death Café is the brain child of Jon Underwood, a man who
wanted to challenge and improve attitudes toward death. According to Underwood,
the objective of Death Café is “To increase awareness of death with a view to
helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.”
“Our only belief,” Underwood notes, “is that it is useful to
reflect on death for some people at some time. As such, it is absolutely
against our principles to attempt to lead participants towards any conclusions
about life, death or the afterlife apart from their own.” Underwood credits the
Swiss sociologist, Bernard Crettaz, for giving him the idea for Death Café and
upon whose ideas he has been building since the first Death Café was held in
London in 2011. Death Café spread to the United States through the work of
Lizzy Miles.
Attending a Death Café gives folks an opportunity to express
their views safely and confidentially, free of discrimination, free of
judgment, free from ideology, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation,
religion, faith, ethnicity or disability. No idea is too far out to be aired,
and no one is ridiculed or told what to think, feel or believe. A Death Café is
a place free of pontification and sage advice. While the sharing may be deep
and intimate, a Death Café is not a therapeutic support group. At Death Cafés, folks
listen to each other with respect, even if the ideas being expressed are
radically different from their own.
“Our society doesn’t make it easy for people to talk about
death,” Underwood says. “And in fact, not everyone should talk about death.
There may well be people for whom it is not helpful to focus on death at any
particular time.” Though, of course,
everyone is welcome at a Death Café, the venue may not be appropriate for
anyone who has recently been diagnosed with a potentially fatal malady, who has
a friend or relative close to death, or who may have recently experienced the
death of a loved one.
See Post for June 29, 2013 for a report about the first Lyons Death Cafe. Here is the supplemental material from that post:
LIST OF WORDS FROM DEATH CAFÉ:
Mystery; Forgiveness; Relinquishment; Letting Go; Fulfillment; Journey; Trip; Change; Source; Satisfaction; Friendship; Support; Patience; Flow; Acceptance; Anxiety; Surrender; Gravity; Nonjudgement; Gratitude; Addiction; Gift; Liberation; Transition; All-ness; Curiosity; Holding On; Unknown; Revenge; Laughter; Continuation; Awareness; Peace; Wholeness; Love; Finality; Never Ending Union; Opportunity; Retirement; Denial; Compassion; Inevitable; Separation; Silence; Ultimate; Return to Source; Release; Suspension; Revolution; Beginning; Cessation; End; Metamorphosis; Precious; Temporary; Impermanent; Transitory; Termination; Extinction; Loss; Absence; Mortality; Absoluteness; Grief; Breaking Down; Holding Up; Falling Apart; Going to Pieces; Doing Well; Bearing Up; Weathering the Storm; Being Strong; Thankful; Indifference; Despair; Hope; Faith; Gladness; Loss; Gain; Pain; Sorrow; Misery; Ease; Repose; Outrage; Heartbreak; Transgressive
THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE
QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS:
“Knowing that everybody will
die eventually, how then shall we live?”
“Am I dead or alive (the
solution is the problem).” --Super Sky Woman
DEATH STATISTICS: UNCHANGING
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME
Out of every 100 people who
are born, the number of people who actually die equals 100 out of 100 (in other
word death expectancy rate = 100%).
WHAT IS TO BE UNDERTAKEN
NEXT?
“To undertake is to bind
oneself to the performance of a task, to pledge or promise to get it done” p.
xix, “The Undertaking,” by Thomas Lynch.
HANDOUT #1: GUIDELINES FOR
DEATH CAFÉ
The objective of Death Café
is:
“To increase awareness of
death with a view to helping folks make the most of their (finite) lives.”
Death Cafés are always:
1. Free: Donations towards
expenses are gratefully accepted.
2. Free from ideology,
offering no conclusions about life, death or the afterlife and respectful of
each other’s views.
3. Safe and nurturing, which
includes the serving of tea and cake.
4. Accessible to and
respectful of all, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, religion,
faith, ethnicity and disability.
5. Confidential (as such
folks’ thoughts, feelings, and views are kept confidential).
Please send an Evaluation
email to: Damaris@thegutterartist.com
Tell us about your actual
experience at Death Café (including both before, during and after your
attendance). In what ways have your thoughts and feelings about death changed
since attending Death Café & Art Salon? In what ways could Death Café be
improved (information, structure, discussion, physical space, refreshments,
facilitation)? If someone told you they were thinking of attending a Death
Café, what would you say to them?
Your feedback is most
appreciated (if you don’t want what you’ve written to be quoted, let us know).
Thank you.
HANDOUT #2: POEMS FOR DEATH
CAFÉ
Bennacht/Blessing
On the day when the weight deadens
on your shoulders and you stumble,
May the clay dance to balance
you.
And when your eyes freeze
behind the grey window
And the ghost of loss gets
into you,
May a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green and azure blue
Come to awaken you in a
meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays in the
currach of thought
And a stain of ocean blackens
beneath you,
May there come across the
waters a path of yellow moonlight to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the
earth be yours.
May the clarity of light be
yours.
May the fluency of the ocean
be yours.
May the protection of the
ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow wind work
these words of love around you, an invisible cloak to mind your life.
--John Donahue (1954-2008) (from “Echoes of Memory”)
“On Death, A Sermon”
All things summon us to
death;
Nature almost envious of the
good she has given us,
Tells us often and gives us
notice
That she cannot for long
allow us that scrap of matter she has lent…
She has need of it for other
forms, she claims it back for other works.
--Jacques-Bénigne Boussuet (1627-1704) (from “What Remains” by Sally
Mann)
HANDOUT #3: SEED IDEAS FOR
DEATH CAFÉ
The Six Most Drastic Mistakes
--Marcus Tullius Cicero
1. The delusion that
individual advancement is made by crushing others.
2. The tendency to worry
about things that cannot be changed or corrected.
3. Insisting that a thing is
impossible because we cannot do it ourselves.
4. Refusing to set aside
trivial preferences.
5. Neglecting development and
refinement of the mind, and not acquiring the habit or reading and study.
6. Attempting to compel
others to believe and live as we do.
Sign on Door at St.
Benedict’s Monastery Retreat Center
--Noted by Patti P.,
5/25/2006
“To allow oneself to be
carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender oneself to
too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help
everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. More than that, it is
cooperation in violence. It destroys one’s own inner capacity for peace. It
destroys the fruitfulness of one’s own work, because it kills the root of inner
wisdom which makes the work fruitful.” --Thomas Merton
“Know your limits,” says Red
Lake.
“Faith in the journey,“ says
The Sand Rabbit
“No regrets,” says Damaris.
FURTHER EXPLORATIONS:
HANDOUT #4: RESOURCES FOR
DEATH CAFÉ
DEATH: Challenging Our
Preconceived Notions
Andrews, Andy, “The Heart
Mender: A Story of Second Chances”
Baines, Barry K., M.D.,
“Ethical Issues Relating to Life and Death.”
Becker, Ernest, “The Denial
of Death”
Becker, Ernest, “Escape from
Evil”
Carlson, Lisa, “I Died
Laughing: Funeral Education with a Light Touch”
De Beauvoir, Simone, “A Very
Easy Death”
Johnson, Marilyn, “The Dead
Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries”
Ladd, John (Editor), “Ethical
Issues Relating to Life and Death”
Landorf, Joyce, “Mourning
Song”
Levine, Stephen, “A Year to
Live”
Levine, Stephen, “Who Dies”
Lynch, Thomas, “The
Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade.”
Matson, Tim, “Round-Trip to
Deadsville: A Year in the Funeral Underground”
Muller, Wayne, “How then
Shall We Live?: Four Simple Questions That Reveal the Beauty and Meaning of Our
Lives”
Neuhaus, Richard John, “As I
Lay Dying: Mediations Upon Returning”
Nuland, Sherwin B., M.D.,
“How We Die: Feflections on Life’s Final Chapter.”
O’Rourke, Phyllis J., and
Sally White King, “Nobody’s Afraid of the Dark during the Day: Sojourners in
Grief; Dying & Living & Other Constants,” Valley Light Publications,
2004.
Zackheim, Victoria (Editor),
“Exit Laughing: How Humor Takes the Sting Out of Death”
ART: UNLEASHING THE CREATIVE
MONSTERS
Arnheim, Rudolf, “Visual
Thinking”
Barry, Lynda, “What It Is”
Barry, Lynda, “Picture This”
Bayles, David, and Ted
Orland, “Art & Fear: Observations on the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking”
Best-Maugard, Adolfo, “A
Method for Creative Design”
Brookes, Mona, “Drawing with
Children: A Creative Teaching and Learning Method that Works for Adults, Too”
Brown, Stuart, with
Christopher Vaughan, “Play: How it Shapes the Bain, Opens the Imagination, and
Invigorates the Soul”
Edwards, Betty, “Drawing on
the Artist Within”
Field, Joanna, “On Not Being
Able to Paint”
Jung, Carl G. “Memories,
Dreams and Reflections”
Miller, Alice, “Pictures of a
Childhood”
Nachmanovitch, Stephen, “Free
Play: Improvisation in Life and Art”
Parnes, Sidney J., “The Magic
of Your Mind”
Pressfield, Steven, “The War
of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle”
Shimoda, L.J.C, “Glyphix for
Visual Journaling”
Stroud, Betsy Dillard, “The
Artist’s Muse: Unlock the Door to Your Creativity”
Topal, Cathy Weisman,
“Children and Painting”
Watts, Michael, “Doodle
Interpretation: A Beginner’s Guide”
HANDOUT #5: EVALUATION FORM
FOR DEATH CAFÉ
Your feedback is most
appreciated (if you don’t want what you’ve written to be quoted, let me know).
1. Please tell me about your
actual experiences at Death Café (feel free to include thoughts, feelings and
impressions before, during and after your attendance).
2. In what ways have your
thoughts and feelings about death changed since attending Death Café & Art
Salon?
3. In what ways could Death
Café be improved (information, structure, discussion, physical space,
refreshments, facilitation, schedule, timing)?
4. What did you like the most
about Death Café?
5. What did you like the
least about Death Café?
6. If someone told you they
were thinking of attending a Death Café, what would you say to them?
7. Other comments:
If you want additional
information about the next Death Café, contact:
Damaris@thegutterartist.com
